Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
