had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
