normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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