forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
