I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
