he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
