Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
