You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need to sanitize my soul.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
