I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
