So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
