How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
