Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
