so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
