Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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