By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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