I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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