Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize