I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
