I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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