I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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