OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
