The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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