she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
