So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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