Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You are a genius and a whore.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
