I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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