We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
