Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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