I'm drive I can fine osifer
she looked like the before picture.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
