Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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