You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
