I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
