She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
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