So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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