we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
