Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
