he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize