No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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