what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
