i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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