thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize