have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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