And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just gargled with NyQuil
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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