even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
