im drinking this country out of the recession.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
