My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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