Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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