I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
