dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
