i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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