After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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