i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
