so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
