He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
