I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
