my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
