He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
