the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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