kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
