no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
