So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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