I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
