I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
