But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
