i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You pole danced in your parka.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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