so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
