if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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