super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
