ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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