I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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