How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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